The life and times of Grandma
by lamsey2010
Summary: Grandma takes a trip with some thoughts about her life along the way.
1. Random Thoughts

**I'm back with my second story, about Grandma, don't worry all you Virgil fans am working on one staring him. As you can imagine quite hard to write as I don't think he was meant to be gay. I didn't know whether to keep this story as a 'one shot' or not, let me know your thoughts. **

**I don't own them.**

Mrs Tracy breathed in the cool morning air as she stepped off the porch that was attached to the old farm house where she and her late husband Grant had set up home over forty years prior. They gave Jeff the house when Virgil was born as he and Lucy needed the extra space with their family growing as rapidly as it did, she and Grant downsized, then when Grant and Lucy died in the avalanche she moved in with her son and grandsons. Even though she had disliked her son's late wife Lucy from day one, not because she was a horrible person, quite the opposite she had been quiet, shy and a loving companion for Jeff then later for their sons. No, the reason she disliked Lucy was because she had taken her only child away from her.

'I would have loved to have had more children,' she thought to herself, 'but Jefferson was nearly 10lb when he was born and apparently the babies get bigger every time you have one, I wouldn't have done that again for all the tea in China!' still thinking to herself as she straightened her grey hat on her head. She was dressed in a knitted grey knee length skirt, matching blazer and white blouse. She smiled to herself as John, who was into his murder mysteries, always said it was her Miss Marple outfit.

'My friend, Muriel and I had our first child at the same time, in fact that's how we met. She had a girl, I was so envious of her, I must say I was slightly disappointed when I had a boy, but loved him none the less; we always said that Jeff and her little one would grow up together and get married. If he had done who knows we might have had a girl in the family,' but all said and done she admired Lucy for having as many children as she did!

'When Muriel had her second child he was 14lb! I didn't think they would ever get him out! I thought they would have to do that small incision that most of us have, on her up to her navel! When I told Grant that, even he crossed his legs at the thought! I mean she had breast feed too, she had talked to me about her nipples being sore so I had recommended camomile lotion, which helped me when I was a little chapped from breast feeding. One day she had shown me her nipple and I swear that thing was hanging off! Well that was it I took my camomile lotion back, she was past any help I could offer.'

'They always say that women feel they lose all form of dignity when they give birth, presumably because they obviously have to 'expose' themselves to complete strangers on a daily basis for the last month of their pregnancy. I lost all my dignity a completely different way,' she thought arriving at the bus stop just in time to see the bus arrive from around the corner. The bus hissed to a stop, had opened its doors and was letting people on and off, when it was her turn she flashed her pass to the driver who wasn't even looking anyway and she found a seat as close to the front as she could.

'Now where was I? Oh yes, dignity! Like I was saying I managed to completely humiliate myself. Now in my birth plan I had said that I didn't want any sort of pain relief, but it got too much and I gave in! In all honesty I wish I hadn't. On my third puff of gas and air the valve on the mask started to make a sort of 'hoonnnk' noise! I started to ask where the ships docked in the hospital, this was still fairly early on while I was still in the labour suite, you know the point where your husband is reading the paper and digging into a cheese sandwich while absent mindedly telling you to walk around or sit on the ball! If anything he found the whole thing quite funny,' Smiling at the memory she remembered what happened next, 'He soon put his paper and sandwich away when the midwife told him off for not helping to monitor my contractions! Ha! I got my own back though, later on when I was taken down to the delivery suite the midwife was trying to get me in a comfortable position to 'perform' she asked 'What are you like on all fours?' well that was it pay back! I said to her 'I don't know you'll have to ask him' and I pointed to Grant. Well the poor man didn't know where to put himself, especially when the midwives started give each other glances and snigger.'

'A couple of hours later I was holding the most amazing beautiful baby boy, it was only the second time I had ever seen Grant cry, the first being about half an hour earlier when I squeezed his hand a bit too hard. I would give any woman the same advice – make them suffer as much as you!'

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	2. Grandchildren

**Thank you for all your reviews, I really enjoy reading them and they bring a smile to my face! **

**Ok so I have decided to write the final chapter for this story as many of you like poor old batty Grandma. So let us begin….oh and I still don't own them.**

Grandma had got back on the bus after her shopping trip and took her seat looking out of the window watching the houses and people whoosh by as the bus started on its designated journey, she started to think back to when her Grandsons were born.

'Scott was the first to arrive, Lucy had said that she didn't want any more after him, I must admit she was a little depressed after the birth. She had also had a couple of stitches that had gotten infected. One day after the midwife had come out to check on Scott and Lucy's progress, which involved having a look at the stitches, Lucy had said 'never use a midwife's phone!' obviously I had asked 'why?' and she had said 'she was using the light on her phone, that's why, you don't even want to know where they put it!' I also felt like Jeff was a little depressed to, but that could have simply been that she wouldn't let him anywhere near her while she was pregnant. I mean before she found out about Scott, they were always at it. Although it was a completely different story when it came to John, she couldn't keep her hands off Jeff which continued until after the pregnancy which is why it wasn't too much of a surprise when they announced that Virgil was on the way. It would however explain why John is slighter in build than his brothers, if Lucy was too busy with her sexersizes and literary living off whatever fluids Jeff was offering her. Pregnant woman need good wholesome meals every day, man fluids are good for a sore throat, or so I've heard, but not much else. Gordon came along a few years shortly followed by Alan.'

'I have watched my beautiful family grow up, it is strange that we only have Gordon and Alan still living at home now. The others have all gone to college or university, Scott wants to be a pilot, Virgil engineering and John was something to do with communications which I think is a good idea as he has always been a little on the quiet side. They only phone home when they want something, for instance Virgil had phoned his Father the other week asking to borrow some money because he and his roommate, Sheridon, wanted some material to make drapes! When Jeff asked why they couldn't just go to the hardware store Virgil had said it was because they had nothing that matched the current décor. He is different to the rest of the family.'

'My Jeff has a drinking problem, I must say I was more than worried that the boys would grow up with same issues,' she thought to herself, 'I warn my Grandsons every time they go out that they are to have a good time but not to get drunk and to be self-respecting human beings. Well apparently boys have selected hearing when it comes to good advice. I had stayed up one night waiting for Scott to come back in as he was late and I had started to worry. I saw him walking up the drive, but my relief was short lived when he tripped over and fell face down onto the lawn. I immediately dashed out the house to make sure he was okay, I could smell the drink on him from half way down the garden path. 'Scott Tracy! Are you drunk?' I asked 'No, I am lying on the lawn to stop me falling off the earth!' came the reply. It wasn't as bad as the time John had gone out he came home with no trousers and a new cat! But at least he was still standing. I have no idea what kids get up to these days!'

'As much as I complain about my family I love them dearly and wouldn't be without them,' she thought as the bus arrived at her stop she got up, said a quick thank you to the driver and stepped off the bus and proceeded to walk home.

'I am looking forward to having some Great Grandchildren, John has his girlfriend Katherine one day I am sure they will get married and give me lots of Great Grandchildren. Alan and Gordon I think will settle down one day. If I get any from Scott well my God help us all, he will be handing out child support to every other girl in the street. I doubt very much I will be seeing any from Virgil any time soon, especially while he is talking about making drapes with his male roommate!' she continued to think as she walked up the driveway, stepped back into the porch and re-entered the house.

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